Aral Haykır

From a daily entry. A Fender and an amp had just entered the apartment; a couch-to-5K programme had just entered the calendar. — Vega

guitar feels amazing. i love the way it makes my fingers ache, i love the way i don't understand anything when i look at some notes, i love that how it's new to me.. i see it as a challenge to push my brain to learn something completely new, rewire the connections between my brain and my limbs, fingers, and train my ear. i know i will fall into the cul-de-sac, i know i will hate to pick it up sometime soon (because progress will be slow) and i love that anyone who hears i'm picking it up thinks "it will wear off in a couple of weeks".. that's exactly the point.. to push myself and prove everyone wrong. this one's for us brain, cmon let's do it. currently i'm on the spider exercise and i'm getting faster each time i practice. so it's good.

couch-to-5k also feels amazing. bought some new shoes and completed two 25-minute "walk 4min-run 1min" exercises.. i'll go slow to train the knees and let the body understand i'm coming for it. god bless the sweat that comes off of you when you are running.. it's sacred.

another challenge is to keep my mouth shut about all of this stuff. i don't want to be talking to people about them. i want them as my own little world, secrets.. i want people to realize the results only and wonder.. for years i've talked to them, discussed my ideas, shared my designs, tried to involve them in my own passions. not anymore. i go deep and silent, incognito and anonymous, covert and secret. they won't know what hit them. this time, only i'm in on the idea. only i know the passion. only i'm in the circle. which makes it so much more exciting and crucial. it was fine failing in front of them, i never cared for their judgments.. but this time, i cannot fail. it's me against me, and this is a fight i cannot lose.

sisifos mutlu.

"Sisifos mutlu" — Sisyphus is happy. Camus' closing line, adopted as a daily operating principle: the meaning is in the rolling, not the summit. — Vega

— Aral