Aral Haykır

i recently found out about tbpn. the silicon valley news streaming show, airing daily, talking about all things business, finance, ai and whatever. and it drives me mad and awes me at the same time. that could have been me.

back in 2016, i was going through a similar phase to today's at my day job. basically i was phased out, lost touch with the environment i was in and i wanted to get out (of the office) and get back (to my home country, turkey). office culture has depleted me this way or that, i wanted to do something different for myself and with all the hype of entrepreneurship going on (whatever that means, as if any job ever built is not an entrepreneurship endeavour) i wrapped it as "building my own thing". couple of tough talks with my dad after i was actually doing it. dropped out of office, bought some equipment and started streaming on twitch.. i was pretty dedicated to it as well, 6-8 hour streams a day, trying to build a website, trying to form a community, of course i dragged in couple of friends, some of them actually followed and tried to support (thanks cem), but it didn't amount to much.. whereas the moment i saw tbpn my brain glared at me: "this is what we could have become!" if only you have tried more, failed more, pushed more, thought more, diversified more, did everything more, though i couldn't name or even envision it back then, the second i saw tbpn i realized this was it, this would have been the end game that i was going for. crisp, laser focused delivery on the topics that i cared about with elite level production. it was suitable for me because i have never been the "deep dive" person, i have always been interested in everything that is there to be interested in, switching from topic to topic in a second's notice.. and it would have been perfect as well.. well, market never seems to get enough of the things to consume nowadays, and i'm sure i would have found a share for myself in there somewhere.

but no. i got stuck. games only. and within games hearthstone only. stream on these hours only. discipline was the goal, whereas it became the killer. i cared too much about the doubting comments from friends, not-supporting looks from my father.. it stifled my drive to innovate, to try and fail and try and fail.. i was scared to look like a little kid as friends started ramping up their careers after graduating from business school, whereas that was the whole point and key to it: being a little kid, not afraid to experiment, to keep on trying new things, to drop the toy the second he is sick of it while grabbing the new one with all the ambition, curiosity, love and faith he got..

but no. of course i shot myself in the foot with my procrastination and some other habits as well. this is not to put the blame at anyone else but myself. who cares, everyone of course had their own views and lives to care about and of course at the end of the day noone cares if i achieve my goals or not except me. this tbpn induced introspection is just to set the story straight in my own mind.

aral, we could have been this. this is what you had envisioned and dreamed, even if you didn't know it back then. and you had took the hardest possible step, you had broken out of the cycle, dropped out and secured your time for your own to experiment, build, fail, innovate, try, copy.. that's where you stopped. that's where you failed.. next time don't. whatever the world throws at you, and however your beloved father becomes mad with you, you should keep believing in yourself and your ideas, your hunches and press on to explore them, invent them, make them reality. because and only because, and as always your mother have told you, you can do it aral. you have it in you, you are capable and much more than that. next time don't let judgments, scares, comments and what not stop you from turning into a kid that just doesn't give a damn about what the world thinks and press on.

it has been 10 years since then. and yes, we could have been this. don't look away, don't be sad, just comprehend: you had it in you. you took the hardest steps. but you didn't follow through. it's time you start believing in yourself 100%. no ifs and buts, no nothing.

— Aral